Got married last month to my boyfriend of 3 years. My 2nd marriage, his 3rd. Just found out that he bought a $30,000 car and kept it hidden from me since the day after we got married. When I discovered what he was up to, he didn't know what to say except that he just HAD TO HAVE this car and knew I would not approve so he decided to keep it from me as long as possible. He says he loves me and he is sorry. I gave him an ultimatum. Told him I can forgive him for his deception and work things out if he gets rid of the car. He said no way. "Don't give me ultimatums - you will always lose." He says the car is none of my business, he pays for it with HIS money and I have nothing to do with it. "Either forgive me and get over it or I'm leaving." I feel that another $ 600 or so expense per month IS my business and cannot understand him at all. I thought I was being generous for offering forgiveness for what I feel is a huge betrayal, but I just need some reassurance that I'm more important to him than a car. He says I'm being stupid willing to throw everything away over "one mistake" - I say I'm not the one throwing anything away, he is. If he'd "fix" his mistake I'll still be here. Any thoughts?
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