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Hello, I have blackouts. My family just accepts them as normal behavior for me. I am very reluctant and tyrannical about discussions regarding this behavior. I know I am an alcoholic. I have been to A.A. and it just makes me want to drink talking about drinking. I feel depressed. I want to be successful in life. I am in college and I have a 3.9/4.0. But, I do drink: the night before an exam, if I have an early class, or if I'm stressed out about a teacher. I does not seem to matter for school. The problem is that I am not happy. And, I do not care about anything else since I started school. I feel like I traded high risk behavior as fulfillment for a challenge with getting A's. It is like a new high. I took "a" psychology class, and "positive" behavior is not recognized as destructive. But what if it is just a replacement?

One might think...well this seems to be working out!...well, I'm 32 and still just as crazy, just about my grades instead.

What is my problem?

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